My disabilities don't define me; they have made me unique.

My wife and I are in Wichita, Texas

  Had been hampered by a learning disorder. I’ve learned to cope with the learning problems as most people do, but the emotional scars remain. I have been interested in writing since childhood. My wife, a special education teacher, suggested that I write about my feelings on the subject. Actually, the thought of writing about learning problems bothered me, and it was slightly not a cool thing! At this writing,

 I am 32 years of age and am aware of my learning problems, only because my children have learning problems. Also, my wife has become an expert in the field. So you see, I’m in no way an expert and will not attempt to write as one, but I'll write about my feelings. Many learned people don’t believe in learning problems, and I do not argue with them. I just asked them to understand.

  My earliest childhood memories start at about 5 years old. I remember vividly driving my sister, two years older, crazy by playing a Davy Crockett record over and over and over. During this time, I had ear problems. I attended preschool, did fairly well on the IQ tests, and started kindergarten early.

I specifically remember the start of the learning problems in second grade. We were required to copy from the board to our paper. Letters. I was dying of frustration in the attempt. I was put in a slower room and remember no specific problems until 4th grade. 

My 4^th-grade teacher took me aside the first week of class and informed me that my writing was indecipherable. I remember the great difficulty I had keeping within the lines, reversing my letters, which, such as B&d, spent hundreds of extra hours drawing circles and relearning to print and write. This teacher was a one-of-a-kind. Without her persistence and can-do attitude, I wouldn’t have written legibly.

During my 4^th-grade year, I realized that I was somehow different. Really tried to join in childhood games, but I couldn’t understand the playing rules, so when I made my valiant attempts, I usually failed miserably. Different episodes stand out, such as running the wrong way in football, being completely lost, and which team was which.

I had terrible fears over the smallest, most trivial things; Lunches, recesses.  Unstructured time was traumatic. I found playing marbles enjoyable because I went at my own pace. More and more, I sat in the back of the class, where teachers would set me right up front. after they realized my slowness. And. I really didn’t do too badly in grade school; it was 7th grade that blew me away. My big problem was readjusting to the new settings at school. As an example, I was pretty close to flunking out of 7th grade.

I couldn’t handle the tremendous stimuli in 7th grade, much more homework. And I didn’t understand too many things. So I gave up completely. Then began the trips to the counselors. I was promised that if I did the assignments, I’d pass, and that was because I had been told by my Dad that if I finished up all the homework I'd missed, he would take me on a trip to Utah to hunt for deer. So...I finished all 26 lessons to change my grades to a C+. This was what I needed. I didn’t mind the work; I just couldn’t handle all the red Ink and 50% on my papers.

I learned one important thing that always struck me in my mind was to "Do" the homework, and in doing an honest effort, this would get me through.

After that, the rules were always my downfall. Rules for math, rules for games. Rules for English. I didn’t remember them; I did try over and over.  I didn’t understand.  I just passed the test, and I survived by doing all my homework and spending way past the allowed time to take my test. Always last. Became my calling card.

I remember my most traumatic experience in school was when my dad cut my hair and side-walled me. This was so traumatic to me. I so needed a good feeling about myself, and if I felt out of place or out of style, it killed me, until it grew back.

 I had a tremendously hard time walking down the school halls. I couldn’t look at people. It was just too much confusion for me. I didn’t know what to say to people. As I progressed through school, my self-esteem kept declining until, in high school, I dreaded going to school and lived for the end of the day. At school, I escaped to fantasy, and at home, I escaped to television.

Everything at home had to be in its place: my room, the house, the yard. I worried over everything. If the grass was too brown, whether the coffee table in our living room was too old, whether my pants were wrinkled, I had to iron my clothes, jeans, and shirts;

I really wanted to participate in sports, but every time I worked up the courage to try out for something, it usually ended in disaster. I remember trying out for a Little League. My brother drove me to the trials. Upon arriving, I noticed that I was the only one there not in tennis shoes and I was in thongs. I was mortified, so I asked my brother to drive me home. He thought I was really strange.

I so badly wanted to be normal.  If it hadn’t been for the Super support of parents, teachers, and the church, I might have harmed myself somehow. I never understood why I was having such problems. I was trying so hard to survive. I really thought I was intelligent, but I became terribly frustrated by how lacking I was.

 I played the clarinet in junior high school and started in the first year, practicing constantly. After a year or so, the music got harder, and I ended up in the last chair because I just couldn’t read the music very well or remember it. I didn’t really understand what was wrong.

  I pretended not to care about things and was labeled lazy by many teachers in class. I’d sit in the back and hide, hoping the teacher would forget about me, and this usually worked. But when called on in class. I was Terrified, and I usually couldn’t think fast enough to answer. I knew, sometimes. I worked in generalities. Usually, I couldn’t see the apparent answer if I was sitting on it, but I could draw a general conclusion. I had become a strategist. I learned to take tests by strategy. I weighed alternatives. This is way off. That is closer. I learned to judge, compare, read things over and over, and put things together until the day dawned.

. I was a stay-at-home addict. I wanted any excuse to avoid crowds. My older sister got after me one day and told me I needed to do things. Well, I did, but I was so scared of situations because I couldn’t cope, and I didn’t want to feel worse about myself.

In church was the only place I could participate in things, but still, the dread of Failure in interactions with people was terrifying. As I grew older, I became quieter. I had a way of always saying the wrong things, so I learned to keep my mouth shut. So, increasingly in high school, I was labeled as stuck-up because I literally didn’t know what to say or how to say it.

 I remember being thrilled to be free to have lunch during my free period. This way, I didn’t have to eat in the cafeteria with all the people, and I lived 2 miles from school. My mother used to pack lunches and use homemade bread, and this embarrassed me. This was me.

I could see everyone. In the cafeteria, they were making fun of my sandwiches. Yes, paranoid to the limit, and no one really knew the half of it.

 I was flunking out of geometry, even with my best efforts to succeed; my teacher was convinced I wasn’t studying. I was actually putting forth great effort because my girlfriend was in the class. I was a senior, and she was a freshman.

My parents hired a tutor, and that didn't work. One day, my geometry teacher told me he didn’t believe I got an A in English, and then I worked part-time at a grocery store. I told him the reason I got the A in English was that the teacher graded by who should have turned in all their assignments for the semester, and I turned all mine in. This teacher was so sure I was lying that he visited the store where I worked one night and spoke with my English teacher. After finding out I was trying, his attitude changed. But unfortunately, I had already given up and transferred into a speech class. My girlfriend gave me my ring back; she was so embarrassed by me.

 I withdrew a lot after that and spent hours cruising around on my motorcycle. My girlfriend was my main project. The main concerns in life were my job, motorcycles, and girls. After graduation, I started at a junior college near town and did fairly well considering my  Learning problems. I was learning more and more that effort did pay off (again, I did all my homework). Except I'll not lie, because I really let down a beautiful girl in my U.S history by not doing my half of a project and probably got her a bad grade, and I'm really sorry about that.

I was still terribly scared about what I was going to do in life.

When I was younger, I would worry to death. How did people get from one place to another? I wondered how I would perform this magnificent feat.

To this day, I am usually lost wherever I go, except in the Tri-Cities, where I generally can find my way around.  

During my 18th year, my sister had been very sick and was at a Seattle hospital. Well, I was assigned to pick her up. Finding the hospital in Seattle took two hours. After picking her up, I literally could not get out of Seattle. It took four hours, and I was nearly in tears. Then, on the way home to Eastern Washington, I missed the turn-off that took us 60  miles out of our way.

I never understood the jokes people made. Or maybe some, but I always felt humiliated when someone saw my confusion and commented on it, even when someone explained it to me. You read in different sources that to become good at conversation, you must work at it well. I would hear a joke, practice it repeatedly, and still not remember it. Right now, with this writing, I can tell one joke, one good joke, and it comes over fairly well after learning it.. Practiced for about 3 months, I know this is hard for most people to swallow that a person can be that way.

I can say that I made it to 74 because of a wonderful wife, super children, and many strong influences that pulled me up.

Don’t be alone; it’s vitally important to have people by your side. I met my wife at a church institute during Halloween Spook Alley.

My wife and I are total opposites; she is always smiling and positive, while I am quiet and introverted.

Do you have a religion to surround yourself with a support system? It helped me greatly!

Don’t give up. Life isn’t easy for any citizen of this world.

Every man, woman, and child has specific problems that vex their lives. I'm just writing about learning disorders and how they affected my life.

I know that there are so many successful people in this world who have learning disabilities, probably millions, and I say good for us!!

Ric

  (dictated all of this), What a pain, but I couldn’t type.